Hi there, and welcome and/or welcome back!
I hope everyone is hanging in there! I know I am trying to. And I don’t know if it is the stress of the Coronavirus or the weather or all of the above, but I am feeling more pain than usual lol. But we are hanging in, because we have gone through this before and have come out champions, and we will do the same again 🙂
I am starting a new series (as you have seen in the title, obvs) about my journey of going on a solo trip as an individual with a chronic illness. I don’t know how long this series will be because I do have a lot of different things I can write about, so we are going to play it by ear. But I will post these every Monday until….dun dun dun. So without further adieu, here is part one of a potentially never-ending series!
________________________________________________________
Solo travel. For some, it sounds exhilarating, for others it sounds lonely. For me, it was a mix of exhilaration, loneliness, freedom, and stupidity all wrapped up into one. I mean think about it. I am a 23 year old (at the time) female who had never traveled anywhere on my own before. And I am directionally challenged (seriously, I can’t go five minutes from my house without getting lost). And I have a debilitating blood disorder that causes me pain and fatigue on a daily basis. Traveling by myself seemed like a recipe for disaster. But it actually ended up being one of the most meaningful experiences I have had to date. I am going to take you through my four feelings about going on this trip, and how each one led me closer and closer to my decision.
Exhilaration: Who doesn’t love going to Disney World? No one checking out this blog, that’s for sure. Disney World is exciting and adventurous and fun and magical (in my experience, anyway). I decided to take off from work from June 28th-July 7th of 2019. I had never taken a vacation after working a year at my job, and I wanted to reward myself a little bit. The thing about taking vacation time when you are an adult living at home is that the world still goes on even if you decide to hit pause for a few days. No one else in my house had the ability to take off the same time that I did, so I was on my own. And then I realized, I was on my own! I could literally do anything I wanted as an adult. And I contemplated staying at home to see how many shows I could binge watch in a week and a half….but then I started thinking. What if I actually took a destination vacation. And then I got really excited because it dawned on me that I could go on vacation to Disney World. I am already predisposed to excitement when it comes to anything Disney in the first place, so this really sent me through the rough. I immediately went on Expedia and started planning out my flights and where I could stay and I did not stop smiling the entire time.
Loneliness: Just as I was about to book my trip that I had planned in less than 30 minutes, an overwhelming sense of loneliness washed over me. I sat there, staring at my laptop screen, with a blank look on my face (or what I imagine to be a blank look). I realized that this would be the first time in my life that I would not have the comfort of friends or family while on vacation. I started thinking of what I would do during meals and downtime. Who would I talk to?
Freedom: But as soon as the blank look came across, it disappeared with the realization that I could either see this as a lonely experience or a chance to truly be free and do whatever it was that I wanted to do. I started to think about how I could go on whatever rides I wanted, leave the parks whenever I wanted, stay for the fireworks….it was all up to me. That was a level of freedom I had never experienced, even in college, even as a woman in her twenties. It grabbed me immensely and immediately.
Stupidity: I’m not going to lie to you. I felt slightly stupid when I booked the trip. There was a part of me that felt like this was going to be a big mistake and I was going to look like an idiot in front my friends and family for even attempting this trip. But I think (and this is going to sound crazy), that feeling stupid made me want to do the trip even more. Sure, there were a million and one ways this trip could have gone wrong. But there were a million and two ways it went right.
I think that as chronic illness carriers, we tend to air on the side of caution, which is a good thing, except when we hold ourselves back from doing things that we know we can do. I am guilty of this, and my solo trip has opened my eyes up to just how cautious I have been with my life. There is such a thing as living a fulfilling and exciting life, while also taking care of yourself and tending to your illness.
To be continued….
Stay safe ❤
Ashley, MCT
My Chronic Travels 